THE Rivalry; the greatest of all time

Magic Johnson vs. Larry Bird.

Lakers vs. Celtics.

Yankees vs. Red Sox.

Giants vs. Cowboys...

And yet, none of the above are the "greatest rivalry of all time." Not even close, really. The greatest rivalry of all time takes place in another realm, a realm bigger than Major League Baseball, bigger than the National Basketball Association, and even bigger than the National Football League.

This rivalry doesn't take place on the baseball diamond, basketball court, or football field -- no, no, no...

This battle is waged in front of a computer screen.

In this day and age, where the hell else would it be?

The rivalry I speak of has been seen in many shapes and sizes, different team names and trash talk, but remains at home in one particular place: the world of fantasy sports. I am John Frascella, commander of the "Stephon Frobury" franchise, and he is Rudy Antido, the general of the LOOK AT THIS! It's WNBA!" franchise.

It just doesn't get any meaner, nastier or wilder than this rivalry. Magic and Bird look like Khalid El-Amin and J.J. Redick compared to us. They're nothing compared to we megastars of the fantasy universe.

His style is unmistakable, he wants big fellas that crash the boards and take control of the paint. There's no room for Mike Dunleavy Jr. or Sasha Vujacic on his roster! But there's plenty of space for Joakim Noah, DeAndre Jordan, Anderson Varejao or even Ed Nelson. Yup, that's the type of coach he is, folks. Gritty, dirty, a true hard-nosed cheater.

I, on the other hand, am an astute talent evaluator. I discovered Mike James on the Toronto Raptors a few years back; I snatched up Aaron Cook off the free agent list in a 14-team, deep roster MLB league this season; I demanded that Rudy draft Chris Duhon on one of his teams this year (which he did, only to panic quickly and release him before he blossomed fully into the assist machine that he is today); I drafted Maurice Jones-Drew in his rookie season.

When "The Talented Mr. Rudy" and I battle, whether it's "Frobe Bryant" against "LOOK AT THIS!" or "Cotch and Coles" against "Erica Dampier," you know it's going to be a knock 'em out, drag 'em down, kick-out-his-eyeball-even-when-he's-down type match-up.

Nonetheless, the conclusions are foregone. I am always victorious. Never fails. The man should be asking for an autographed replica of the computer chair that I inhabit.

Just kidding, Rudy. I figured that would piss you off.

No, in all actuality friends, it's been a 50/50 series since it's inception in 1929. Yes, we were going head-to-head in fantasy sports before computers were even invented. That's how big this is.

Hey Magic...Bird...

You guys couldn't afford tickets to our showdowns. Don't bother getting in line; this one's sold out until 2090.